Johannes Schult

Last Saturday, Eric Bazilian and Rob Hyman, the key players of the Hooters, performed live at the Musikmesse in Frankfurt/Main. Hohner had invited them to their booth and they gladly obliged. Armed with an impressive arsenal of instruments, they ran through a set without surprises, but with good spirit and maybe a couple of hundred listeners. It was the first time I saw them playing a full set as a duo in a somewhat acoustic setup; very enjoyable, indeed! It was also the first time they didn’t do a singalong ending in “Johnny B”. We got to be the pirate choir on “Morning Buzz”, instead. Here’s a pic and the setlist:

1. I’m Alive
2. All You Zombies
3. Karla with a K
4. Morning Buzz
5. Star of the County Down / Johnny B
6. Satellite
7. And We Danced

This is an attempt to play true, slow metal with soaring vocals and a guitar solo. Not that I’m a good singer or guitarist. Although I used the song for the April Fools’ Day at Vampster.com, it was originally written for the 3rd round of Song Fu #3 at QuickStopEntertainment.com. Still, the video hopefully augments the message and, well, the recipe. So please consider going there and voting for me/my song if you’re into metal or just enjoyed the video.

Download the song: mp3 (more music)

Seek the mother of a calf
And steal some of her milk
Take two cups and a half
Make sure they are filled
Take the feathered’s unborn
And crack open their shell
Take all that’s inside
And pour it into the cauldron
Pour it into the cauldron
Pour it into the cauldron

Seek the wheat in the valley
Defying the wind alone
Cut it down without mercy
And grind it with a stone
Separate it from the chaff
Obtain a snow-white powder
Take enough to fill two cups
And pour it into the cauldron
Pour it into the cauldron
Pour it into the cauldron

Stir it! Stir it! Stir it! Stir it!

Now take some of the thick mass and some oil
And pour it into the frying pan
Into the frying pan
Heat up the frying pan
Heat up the frying pan
Devour them all
Satanic pancakes

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

Too often the characters have way too much free time to devote to the plot. Don’t they have jobs? Dirty laundry, dirty dishes, tax reports, dentist appointments? When do they eat, shit, shave, shower? I’m not against condensing for the sake of the pace of the story. I just don’t like total absence of every-day realism. A movie that incorporates some of these things, like shopping, working, peeing, is Imagine Me & You, which – as you probably know – I adore (also for other reasons).

Most movies rely on some sort of antagonist: the evil genius, the pretty rival, the big bad corporations that are all about money and don’t care about the heart/town/puppies. Disguised antagonists include family, society, love, diseases, and nature. They’re driving the plot and pretty much essential to any movie. Improper development of the dark side drives me crazy; point in case: The Devil Wears Prada. Clear-cut antagonists can be helpful, fun, and good (the Darth Vader paradox). Yet easy moral judgment is often a matter of one-dimensional characters (Bill Pullman) or dubious morality. The latter comes into play when a big firm wants to exploit whatever the hero holds dear; yet the hero gives his money to banks that finance such firms; or he keeps eating the hamburger made of cattle that was fed with the soy that was grown cheaper on slash-and-burn rainforest soil than on his grandma’s farm he seeks to sustain. Again, I’m not against supervillains in movies (Lucy Diamond!) – I just wish there would be more stories like Lights, Camera, Amalee, which feature “real-life” antagonists. Gone Baby Gone is different example of subverting antagonist expectations, which leaves you agitated for quite a long time after the movie’s over. My Name is Earl deserves an Honorary mention, because (a) it’s main theme is making the world a better place (b) it was the initial inspiration for this post (before it turned into this verbouse rant).

Movies are way too pretty. Beautiful people don’t suffice to turn movies into good movies. Sure, I like to watch movies like Closer which are all about beautiful people’s problems. But I also love Clerks, because you get an immediate sense of reality. You can see the shop, you can hear the rustling of the movements and the street noise. That’s so much more convincing than the CGI cities and the ADR kissing noises in Attack of the Clones.

There are way too many cuts in modern movies for my taste. On the other hand, the narrative of people in interviews and similar bonus material often found on DVDs would profit a lot from an omission of pauses and fill words. But let’s focus on the editing of actual movies. Things are completely out of control in action scenes, leaving me rather confused every time I watch modern blockbusters from the front row. Sadly, things don’t look much better in scenes with ordinary dialogue.

I never got the two-camera shot of dialogue. If the point of view of one of the actors is supposed to be underscored by the visual angle, then please note the word one. One person’s view, one angle. 1 + 1 = 2, I know. But by intercutting a dialogue with both perspectives, you actually lose half of the whole. You end up with 0.5 + 0.5. If both characters are important, go for a two-shot; leave it to the viewer to attend to one character at a time. In case you want it all, you need to double your efforts; Fingersmith and 11.14 are examples that come to my mind.

Hank Green is so much more suited for this world than I am. Not only are his entries for the current Song Fu challenge great. His recent plea for more vegetarianism is so eloquent and so appropriate that I have nothing of importance to add. He also mentions a Piper Perabo movie (not in a favorable way, but I’ve yet to see it, so I’ll remain silent for now) and advocates logarithmic age, which I think is a brilliant idea (though maybe I’m biased because as a statistician I already use way too many logarithms).

Check out the second round of Song Fu 3 over at QuickstopEntertainment.com. The task was to write a song using exactly 10 different words in the lyrics. I came up with a fanboy song about Jimmi Simpson. It’s called “God of Bingo” and was obviously inspired by Jimmi’s role in D.E.B.S. If you loved the movie as much as I did (or just like little punk rock songs), please consider voting for me/my song.

Download the song: mp3 (more music)

Jimmi Simpson is awesome
Jimmi Simpson rocks
Jimmi is the God of bingo
Jimmi Simpson rocks

Jimmi Simpson is awesome
Jimmi Simpson rocks
Jimmi is the God of bingo – bingo
Jimmi Simpson rocks

Jimmi Simpson is God
Jimmi Simpson is God
Jimmi Simpson is God
Jimmi Simpson, Jimmi Simpson
Jimmi Simpson is God

Jimmi Simpson is awesome – awesome
Jimmi Simpson rocks – he rocks
Jimmi is the God of bingo – bingo
Jimmi Simpson rocks

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This entry refers to the current Song Fu round. Check out the next update for details (and the song I actually submitted).

When the challenge was posted last week, my first idea was to do a flower song that goes something like “she loves me, she loves me not”; repetitive, but believable. Soon enough I had a nice little song that was heavily influenced by Per Gessle. I turned the lyrics into a lament of one of the characters in Wet Hot American Summer, a very enjoyable movie I had just discovered via Riki Lindhome (of Garfunkel and Oates fame). I played the song to a couple of friends and the feedback was, well, not good. The song is utterly harmless, and someone complained that Andy is a really bad name for the hot guy.

Discarded Song #1: The Flower Song (Coop’s Lament)

I spent most of Sunday working on the flower song, but already felt that it lacks something. Then I came across the dulcimer sound on my keyboard. Next thing I know, I was singing a shanty about Captain Tikapakabi (or something like that). It was hardly original, but had more drive and avoided the x loves y pattern some other challengers have (possibly) used. I stayed up late recording a drunk seamen choir, making up the song structure on the fly. I revisited the recording on Tuesday, re-arranging it, dropping the second refrain, and re-working the lyrics to actually be 10 unique words.

Discarded Song #2: Captain Tinglebaraby

I still felt that the 10-word restriction limited the songs’ potential. I made a fresh start on Tuesday night. I had always wanted to write a song about Alice and Bob. Their conversations shouldn’t suffer from a shortage of words. Still, I wished had two or three more words to use. And a better singing voice. Not to mention the lack of a female singer for the last verse. I recorded a demo, anyway.

Discarded Song #3: Alice (demo)

I had planned to focus on Captain Tinglebaraby on Wednesday, but alas, I ended up penning a punk rock song about Jimmi Simpson. I figured that 10 words might be used in a straightforward way. Instead of creating love triangles (or love-octagons), I pay tribute to a great actor. At least some of the visitors of QuickstopEntertainment.com are movie buffs who possibly appreciate this. In the end, the choice was somewhat arbitrary, because each song has its short-comings.

I was very happy that so many people voted for A Mallful of Brains in the first round (landing me an 8th place, yay!). This time around, I’m still not expecting too high a position. But we’ll see/hear. Others have apparently struggled with their songs, as well.

I really like Hank Green‘s entry for this round; neat melody, good vocals, and many, many words! Funnily, Molly went Metal, an option I considered, too. (“Steel! Pain! Death! Glory! Power! Heart! Dragon! Honour! Battle! Metal!”) Other ideas I didn’t/couldn’t turn into proper songs: the first 30-something digits of pi, the algorithm of evolution, “if you take … and … you might just get …; take care of … and … and…” with sounds and noise for the dotted gaps, e.g., bean eating noise and soda drinking noise = fart noise.

In other news, the death metal songs I recorded with my brother and a ‘singer’ a while ago were mixed last week. They rock! More on that after the second round of Song Fu.

Jimmi Simpson is my favourite actor. You may not have heard of him, but don’t let that fool you. He plays Scud in D.E.B.S., a movie you should all rent/buy, although many people will have difficulties connecting to it. But Jimmi rocks, no doubt about it. He’s the voice of reason, Cupid, the loyal friend, the God of bingo, the saviour of Australia, the winner of 50 bucks, the happy camper – all in one person (who isn’t even one of the lead characters).

He was in Loser, together with Thomas Sadoski and Zak Orth. All three of them went on to do great things afterwards. Orth did Wet Hot American Summer next (hilarious) and Thomas Sadoski recently starred in reasons to be pretty, where he delivered an amazing performance. Jimmi also turned to theatre, even dropping out of Live Free or Die Hard for this. I didn’t see him on stage and this entry is going nowhere and already too verbose.

I did see Jimmi in Girltrash. Once again, he delivered a spot on performance. He actually played the husband of Riki Lindhome‘s character in the series, closing the circle to the current Song Fu, in which Lindhome (as part of Garfunkel and Oates) competes as Master.

Check out the first round of Song Fu 3 over at QuickstopEntertainment.com! The task was to write a happy song. I came up with a song about a happy zombie. It’s called “A Mallful of Brains” and contains plenty of happiness (e.g., ukulele, brains). It’s the very last song on the page, so don’t despair while scrolling down. If you like zombies (or just like the song), please consider voting for me/my song.

Download the song: mp3 (more music)

Today on my way to work I met Sarah from next door
She drooled and took my hand and jerked me to the floor
I tried to get back up, still dizzy from the fall
Suddenly I felt hungry, so we headed for the mall
Because there is nothing like a mallful of brains
There is nothing like a mallful of brains

I looked across the street to the diner by the mall
A sign said ‘all you can eat,’ so I tried to eat them all
Later on my friend Mike came by to grab a drink
I took a little bite of him and then went to see my shrink
Because there is nothing like a mallful of brains
There is nothing like a mallful of brains

I really like to eat brains
I really like to eat brains
I really like to eat brains
I really like…
Brains, a mallful of brains
Brains, a mallful of brains
Brains, a mallful of brains
Brains, a mallful of brains

Mmh, eyeballs!

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

Self-absorbed triviality. Assessement of lack of content. Typographic erorr. Unexplainable urge to share my boredom with a virtual audience. Lame fart joke. Link to meme that is so last summer. Cryptic reference to the title of the post.

Verbose prelude to supposed highlight. Dream I had tonight involving two opposite bands and a bunch of people I haven’t seen in ages. Fill words. Hidden reference to actual event =-). Another cryptic reference to the title of the post.

(Inspired by “Title of the Song” by DaVinci’s Notebook)