Johannes Schult

Writing a fan song like this without being creepy is somewhat difficult. I think I managed to avoid the worst. I recorded the song on July 23rd, 2003. Building on a rhythm machine track I added acoustic guitars and some other instruments like melodica and glockenspiel, plus the vocals. Although it’s far from perfect, it still conveys a certain atmosphere. I tried re-recording the song in January 2008, but the feeling was gone. So I stuck with the original version, which DAZZA/NataliePortman.com called “highlight of the day/week/month” back in July 2003.

Download the song: mp3 ogg (more music)

I wish Natalie Portman was my neighbour

We could talk about the weather
We could drive to work together
I could feed her dog and maybe
Take it for a walk
I wish Natalie Portman was my neighbour
We could have lunch together
I wish Natalie Portman was my neighbour
I’d live there forever

I could watch her every morning
When I wake tired and yawning
She could take the garbage out
And she could mow the lawn
I wish Natalie Portman was my neighbour
We could have lunch together
I wish Natalie Portman was my neighbour
I’d live there forever

I wish Natalie Portman was my  neighbour
We could have lunch together
I wish Natalie Portman was my  neighbour
I’d live there forever
I wish Natalie Portman was my  neighbour
I would always be with her
I wish Natalie Portman was my  neighbour
I’d live there forever
I wish Natalie Portman was my  neighbour
We could have lunch together
I wish Natalie Portman was my  neighbour

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

My new solo album Heteroscedasticity will be out on Sunday, 19th October 2008 – only two days from now! I locked myself in the bathroom and played some of my songs to celebrate the album release. The second out of four parts is now online: Toilet Session 2008 (part 2). It shows me playing Not About You and the Toilet Song – and stummering as I introduce the songs.

PS: In case you wondered how I eat Twix…

This one started out as a joke. I just wanted to record in a bathroom; great acoustics, you know. September 1st, 2000 saw me visiting a good friend of mine. Armed with my four track machine, guitar and keyboard I installed myself in his bathroom. Writing the song was easy, recording it wasn’t. The vocals took me forever (two hours) and as you can hear they still suck. But people responded to the song. It even helped me seeing Natalie Portman and meeting another great person who shall remain unnamed.

I pulled out the master tape and remixed it for the Heteroscedasticity album. I don’t think I harmed the song’s integrity. It just sounds a little bit cleaner and less distorted, I guess. You see, I still don’t know much about recording technology, and the tape speed kept varying, so I had to mix all four channels on the fly. Who needs hard disc recording, anyway?

Download the song: mp3 ogg (more music)

Now I’m here alone cos you’re not at my side
You know it’s easier to hide
Away than look it in the eye
In my heart I start to cry
Now I’m here and I’m sitting on the toilet
Now I’m here and I’m lonely to the bone
Now I’m here and I’m singing on the toilet
Now I’m here all alone

It’s so hard to tell the truth cos I don’t know
What’s on you mind; what if I show
You what I feel inside my heart?
Will you be mine or torn apart?
Now I’m here and I’m sitting on the toilet
Now I’m here and I’m lonely to the bone
Now I’m here and I’m singing on the toilet
Now I’m here all alone

Show me what you feel
Still I’m here and I’m sitting on the toilet
Now I’m here and I’m lonely to the bone
Still I’m here and I’m singing on the toilet
Still I’m here all alone all on my own

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

So I sang “I would give 12$ to sing a song with Paul and Storm.” And I mean it. Sure, I don’t expect them to accept this offer. They have to make a living; they have families; they’re busy stalking Joss Whedan, anyway. In other words, I am to them what they are to Paul McCartney. Still, with fervent dedication and an iron will I might at least achieve a little recognition from the dynamic duo itself (themselves?).

Paul and Storm, please notice me; no, acknowledge me.

Until they decide to oblige this humble request I will keep “Paul and Storm Watch” (every Wednesday). When they called for minions I was tempted to join the mob; picture me in front of a pale wall with a hand-written sing in my hand that says “Hostage Minion of Paul and Storm since \today.” But I don’t want them to indulge in pictures of people with too much time on their hands. I want them to work; I want them to sing; I want them to be mischievous. I gladly paid to download their albums, but I see no reason to make podcast-related donation. For the time being, my attention has to suffice as consideration. I mean, I still think they (Paul) should at least have made a clever, witty song when they tried to get Felicia Day‘s attention. They could have even offered to give her 12$ to sing a song with them. But they just talked – and Jonathan Coulton had her sing with him on stage.

My new solo album “Heteroscedasticity” will be out on Sunday, 19th October 2008 – only four days from now! I locked myself in the bathroom and played some of my songs to celebrate the album release. The third out of four parts is now online: Toilet Session 2008 (part 3). It shows me playing “If I Could Paint My Feelings” (see previous update) and “Cropcutter” (a non-album track). No ukulele, this time; have fun, anyway!

These might just be the best lyrics I’ve written so far. (Feel free to disagree!) I wrote them on September 9th, 2006. The music followed the next day. I tried to keep it simple in order to not distract from the metaphor madness. C, it turned out, was not enough, so I added G. I still don’t know how I ended up with all the chords in the middle-eight when I recorded the song on September 11th, 2006.

I was tempted to re-do the programmed drum track for the album, but went for authenticity in the end. (The truth is, I couldn’t find the disc with the source tracks.) The outro features plenty of silly instruments like the melodica, a ukulele, glockenspiel, and plenty of keyboard sounds. Some sick flutes were there, too, but didn’t make the final mix.

Download the song: mp3 ogg (more music)

If I could paint my feelings I’d talk about brushes all the time
If I could spell my joy I’d use but vowels
If I could wear my passion a hat would suit me fine
If I could weave my heart I’d just make towels

If I could eat my sorrow I’d chew lemons all the time
If I could name my fear I’d call it Fullers
If I could drink my longing I’d serve myself the sweetest wine
If I could print my pain I’d need no colours

If I could paint my feelings
If I could ride my soul
If I could wear my longing I’d be all right

If I could draw my wisdom I’d sketch circles all the time
If I could strum my hope I’d play an F-chord
If I could dye my spirit then blue’d be on my mind
If I could fly my love you’d be the airport

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This one started out as a German love song in January 2002. I replaced the lyrics in August that year with a patchwork of words, some of them invented, most of them real, all of them hopefully suiting the mood of the acoustic guitars. Also the title is beyond metaphoric in an abstract void of syntax, phonetics, and randomness.

The original recording was rather noisy, so I decided to attempt a re-recording in late September 2008. I basically replicated the originally tracks and added a subtle bass line with the keyboard, plus, behold, even subtler harmony vocals in the chorus. The song is supposed to be the grand finale of the album, less jolly than most of the other songs, but hopefully somewhat comforting. There are days I’m convinced this is the best song I’ve written so far. But who am I to judge?

Download the song: mp3 ogg (more music)

Spirit She – monastic consedation
Spirit She – another rainy night
Spirit She – redemption in sensation
Spirit She – ten thousand tears I’ve cried
Spirit She – in every single hour
Spirit She – no matter where I go
Spirit She – a fragrant yellow flower
You will be a flicker in the glow
She’s a wonder of shyness yearning for conation
Waiting for someone in the dead of the night
She’s a number, a feeling yearning for insation
Knowing that no one ever tried

Spirit She – the empty desert highway
Spirit She – the Scarlet Pimpernel
Spirit She – the caladon on Friday
It will be the only revenel
Can you tell me what you see
What you hear and what you feel?
Can you show me something real?
Will you save my Spirit She?
She’s a wonder of shyness yearning for conation
Waiting for someone in the dead of the night
She’s a number, a feeling yearning for insation
Knowing that no one ever tried

Spirit She – November days of darkness
Spirit She – November days of rain
Spirit She – no matter where your heart is
I can feel the laughter and the pain
Can you tell me what you see
What you hear and what you feel?
Can you show me something real?
Will your spirit set me free?

Spirit she – my precious isolation
Spirit she – my one and only friend
Spirit she – in every contemplation
I will be the loser in the end
She’s a wonder of shyness yearning for conation
Waiting for someone in the dead of the night
She’s a number, a feeling yearning for insation
Knowing that no one ever tried
Spirit She – my Spirit She – Spirit She – my Spirit She

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

My new solo album Heteroscedasticity will be out on Sunday, 19th October 2008 – only six days from now! I locked myself in the bathroom and played some of my songs to celebrate the album release. The first (or rather the last) out of four parts is now online. It shows me playing Judy Mary Jane on the ukulele. (Not that I had rehearsed the song more than once.)

Honestly, I have mixed feeling about posting it directly in the site, because I have always been an advocate of avoiding Flash. Well, here it is; goodbye to you, dear integrity. Speaking of selling out, I included a bunch of older tunes you probably already know. But who knows – maybe some new fans discover my music just now. Anyway, there will be more videos coming soon. And on Sunday the album itself will be launched. Here is the cover artwork.

You probably heard this one before (I heard it from J.R.): don’t drink and derive!

While the first three parts where actually bogus and solely for entertainment purposes, the following two recommendations are serious, possibly helpful for non-statisticians, too – and actually free.

• A very helpful software tool for data entry is EpiData. If you are working with manual data input (e.g., questionnaire data) you should definitely check it out – unless, of course, you already know (and use) it.
• The Firefox extension is Zotero is capable of collecting, managing, and citing research sources. It rivals common citation software, not only because it is free, but also because it is very easy to handle. I got to know Zotero just two days ago – thanks to Biddy for the hint – and felt at home with its usage in a matter of minutes.