Johannes Schult

This song is somewhat redundant. I mean, it’s about music I think is pretty redundant. I should rather sing about love, peace and understanding, I guess. But hey, it’s just a 52-second song! No big deal. At first, the lyrics were about politicians. But they don’t deserve such a generalization in my opinion. Fortunately, I started composing my songs at least one day before I record them. So I can still make changes and adjust whatever didn’t work out the first time around.

PS: Look, I made a video to this song!

PPS: Look, I also made a video for last week’s song, “Laundry Day”!

PPPS: I’m actually halfway through this endeavour, hooray! Only 26 more songs left to create.

#26 Department of Redundancy Department

When I turn on the radio
When I turn on the TV
The singers from all those casting shows
Are all I see
Send them to the department of redundancy department
Send them to the department of redundancy department

It was boring the first time around
And it didn’t get better
The plastic faces with their prefab sound
They get more all the time yet they all sound the same
Send them to the department of redundancy department
Send them there or shoot them to the moon

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This is possibly the first song in music history that’s sung from the perspective of a happy washing machine. I’m planning on making a video to illustrate the various actions described in the lyrics. I just have to wait until the next laundry day. It’s six days later: the video is finished and my laundry is clean!

The music was heavily inspired by Irish folk songs. I really like the first chorus. I wish I could have used it more often in the song. But the narrative demanded an ongoing flow and the time limit prevented me from a more traditional verse-refrain arrangement. By the way, the tin whistle in the beginning is a real one.

#25 Laundry Day

I woke up to the sound of coins and got myself a drink
Got ready for the 40 degrees the afternoon would bring
A line of that white powder is all I really need
Now I can feel the power that brings me up to speed

So up and down and around it goes
The red and the blue and the white
So in and out the water flows
And it makes me feel all right

Hooray! Hooray! It’s laundry day
I’m going round in circles
You can feel my bottom rock
I’m going to eat that sock
I’m feeling drunk as I’m tumbling away

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This is one of my more pointless songs. I wrote the lyrics on a plane approaching Ljubljana. I did not paint the interior of the aircraft, mind you. In fact, don’t try this at home or in any aircraft, at least not without appropriate permissions.

The two guitar tracks are both first takes. Not that the chord changes are difficult or anything. I’m just glad this weekly song thing is good for something. I’m also still amazed how bad I am at adjusting the drum volume. The rhythm is usually very loud while I’m recording in order for everything to be in time. Eventually, I try to level the other tracks up to match the drum volume. Still, every time the drums remain much too loud. I force myself to lower their volume until I momentarily think the mix is ridiculous. That’s usually when the sound balance is almost good. (The bass became pretty prominent and I’m not sure this is a good thing.)

#22 Painting the Plane

I’m sitting here for hours now
I’m bored and we are still not there
But I have a Biro
And some paintings I want to share

So now I’m painting the plane from inside
As we’re flying through the night
Circles and frames and famous people’s names
I’m painting the plane from inside

So now I’m painting the plane from inside
As we’re flying through the night
Circles and frames and famous people’s names
I’m painting the plane from inside

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This is what happens when I come up with a song in a hurry. I started out with nothing and ended up with this dark story. The title was a rather arbitrary choice. I didn’t even know whether there is a Lincoln in Texas. I just checked: there is one.

#19 Lincoln, TX

Jane is talking to the red old barman
Stalking me out like a roaming son
Here in the desert of Lincoln, TX
Promise me heaven outside the door

I can see there’s a man in the shadows
And I know I have seen him before
He turns around and says, I’ve been waiting to meet you once again

I return to Jane and the barman
I say, I’m sorry for the mess I made
I drink my whisky and I head for the front door
Leaving the body and a bribe behind

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This is a song in German about a shopping list. It deals with the everyday encounters at the supermarket. Thankfully, I had to stop at the 52-second mark. Otherwise the song would have ended with red cabbage being the last item on the shopping list.

#17 Einkaufszettel

Ich sah noch aus dem Augenwinkel, wie sie im Aufzug verschwand.
Ich nahm mir ihren Wagen, der vorne in der Schlange stand.
Für einen Euro Pfand gehörte er vorübergehend mir.
Da entdeckte ich ein kleines Stück Papier.
Es war ihr Einkaufszettel.
Sie brauchte ihn jetzt nicht mehr.
Es war ihr Einkaufszettel.
Und ich vermisse sie so sehr.

Dabei kenne ich sie gar nicht, weiß nicht mal ihren Namen.
Doch was sie einkaufen wollte, lässt Großes erahnen:
Buchstabensuppe und Möhrensalat, Cornflakes und Bio-Käse,
Eine Packung Taschentücher und zwei gezeichnete Küchengefäße.
Es war ihr Einkaufszettel.
Tomatensauce im Doppelpack.
Es war ihr Einkaufszettel.
Sie hatte ganz klar Geschmack.

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This is a short ode to the TV series 24. It’s about Renee Walker in particular. And I inserted a birthday greeting to Annie Wersching, the actress who plays Agent Walker. If you don’t understand anything of what I just wrote, let it suffice that this is a fanboy song. Again, the 52-second limit comes in handy, forcing me to concentrate on the essential message. Not that the song contains an important message. But when I found out about Wersching’s birthday this morning, I figured that this is the best time for such a song. I also made a little video of me singing the song a bit slower, a half-step higher and just with the acoustic guitar.

By the way, I was thrilled to incorporate a reference to bloody stumps; you see, eleven years ago, when I first accessed the internet, the bloody stump homepage taught me a lot about this new medium, all of which is still true today.

#13 Dear Screenwriters (Happy Birthday, Annie Wersching)

Dear screenwriters of 24
Please don’t kill Renee Walker
I’m sure there are many more
People like me who ♥ her
Despite all her flaws
And the way she handles thumbs
But who hasn’t bent the laws?
And who doesn’t like bloody stumps?

So happy birthday to you
Annie Wersching, who played
Renee Walker so real and true
Here’s to her surviving season eight
She’s the best red-haired woman on screen
Since Lena Headey played Luce
The red-haired flower queen
In the movie Imagine Me & You

Dear screenwriters of 24
Please don’t kill Renee Walker

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This is a rather cryptic song that will hopefully become obsolete rather sooner than later. Hint: It’s not about Bryan Adams. The music is based on a little picking figure with the first three notes of the g# minor scale. I just built the rest of the song around it. Just like last week, I haven’t excelled in my playing. Still, it was a good exercise and maybe someone else beside Patrick will be able to make sense of the lyrics.

#11 Canada

Canada, why did you do this to me?
Canada, why couldn’t you just leave it be?
Canada, how could you go this far?
Canada, oh Canada
If it weren’t for Rush I’d just give up on you
Still it seems this time the joke is on you

Canada, I know you meant no harm
Canada, this ain’t no call to arms
Still I think you owe the world an apology
It’s not too late for you to see

Canada

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This is yet another song fu contribution. The challenge was to write a song that contains a recipe in some way. The music was clearly inspired by Eläkeläiset. The lyrics for the chorus came somewhat natural; the rest is a collection of ingredients, some of them intentionally sung in German. Finally, I could use some live drums. I had recorded them five years ago for a song I never released online.

“Schnitzel Soup and Vodka” is my last entry for song fu for the time being. The contest consumes quite some time and to be honest, I’m not very pleased with my latest efforts. Sure, “Kingdom of Rain” had possibly the best story line I’d come up with in ages. And the present polka was surely fun. But I’ve had enough exposure to present my case. Don’t get me wrong, I love song fu and the other contestants are great people. I’m happy to be part of it and perhaps I’ll do shadow entries in the future. We’ll see and hear.

For now, please check out the link below. There are plenty of interesting contributions; for starters I recommend Mike Lombardo, because he’s a talented musician and his tune is very entertaining. There’s more, but I’m signing off now, saving my “Best of Song Fu”-list for another post.

Download and vote over at FRED

Here is a secret that I’m going to share with you
The perfect meal to eat before you’re getting drunk
This recipe comes straight from the heart of Mother Russia
It keeps any hangover away
You need some schnitzel soup and 17 potatoes
The soup is easy – just get a lot of meat
Then put it in a pot and add a little water
Boil it for a while until it’s through
When it’s
Vodka, vodka – early in the evening
Vodka, vodka – early in the night
Vodka, vodka – early in the evening
Vodka, vodka – early in the night

If you like it sweet you add some apfelstrudel
And if you’re hungry you should add chunk of cheese
And when the soup is boiling you add a few more items
Paprika, tomatoes, sauerkraut and beans
You have to eat a lot for the soup to be effective
Five full plates at least
When it’s
Vodka, vodka – early in the evening
Vodka, vodka – early in the night
Vodka, vodka – early in the evening
Vodka, vodka – drinking all day and night

Vodka!
Vodka, vodka – early in the evening
Vodka, vodka – early in the night
Vodka, vodka – early in the morning
Vodka, vodka – drinking all day and night

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This is a song about a bag of rice that fell over and changed the world. I toyed around with some harmony vocals in the chorus. It doesn’t sound very good, but the week is almost over. So here it is.

This is the first song of a few that was inspired by ideas from a couple of friends. I had asked for advice, because by now I have run out of ideas. I mean, the weekly effort is taking its toll. In fact, I’m usually producing two songs in batch-mode in order to have every other weekend off. I still have one song in reserve and I already finished the final song #52.

#10 Reis

In China fiel gerade ein Sack mit Reis um
Einfach so ohne Befehl oder Anweisung
Er fiel einfach um
Und das war ziemlich dumm

Denn leider hatte ihn dort irgendjemand
Neben dem Roten Knopf angelehnt an die Wand
Und dann fiel er um
Und das war ziemlich dumm
Und dann machte es bumm
Und dann machte es kawumm

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This is actually the song I made for the second round of Song Fu #6 (listen and vote!). The task was to write a song that doesn’t contain any rhymes. Years ago I had written a song in German entitled “Morgen kommt der Kommunikationsentferner”. I reanimated the lyrical idea and translated a few of the original lines into English. The chords of the verse also remained the same. Still, I think it became a completely different song. For instance, it used to be a ballad; now it’s a rock song.

The song fu-version of this song (entitled “Communication Removal”) is 45 seconds longer; it contains more instrumental mayhem as well as an additional line about Mike Lombardo and Nickelback. I had originally planned to have a chorus going “And as of now my rhymes are out of order”, but that didn’t fit the rest of the song, so I scrapped it.

Some trivia: For the music box in the outro I punched arbitrary holes into a sheet of paper and pulled it through the little machine. Other instruments I recorded for the outro were ukulele, harmonica, melodica and tin whistle.

#8 Communication Removal Is Due Tomorrow

I just shut down the weather
Love doesn’t work anymore
Communication removal is due tomorrow

The shadows no longer obey the sun
All seasons are in exile
Communication removal is due tomorrow

Yesterday I made silence a little bit louder
And now I’ll turn off time
Communication removal is due tomorrow

I successfully divided by zero

(words and music by Johannes Schult)