Johannes Schult

This is my entry for the first round of the Song Fu #2 competition over at QuickstopEntertainment.com. It’s 100% werewolf-free, which is kind of remarkable, because the task was to write a song about the moon. Please visit the link above and check out the competition; vote for whoever you think deserves it most – hopefully for me. Note that there are Song Fu Challengers (including me) and Song Fu Masters; you may vote once in each group.

My friend Robert made a post in the NP.de-forum back in 2002, stating that the moon was made of cheese. I had always wanted to turn this idea into a song, so now was the perfect opportunity. I toyed around with some other ideas (some involving werewolves) and I even made a song called The First Monkey on the Moon; but the narrative of that song lacked an adequate flow; plus, the story was (apparently) a lame imitation of (Song Fu Master) Jonathan Coulton. I’ll post that one in the near future, anyway. But back to my actual entry: I recorded it last Tuesday and Wednesday. First came the rhythm track and a whole bunch of keyboard sounds. Next, I recorded some rather heavy electric guitars. That was possibly a mistake, but the deadline was on Wednesday. So I just added some acoustic guitar and, of course, the vocals, before I mixed and posted the song. I’m aware that the vocals are very loud. I made that decision, because the lyrics are an integral part of the challenge. They’re posted below; the Dogma reference was in there early on (as I’m a big fan of former QuickstopClerk Kevin Smith), whereas the Coulton reference came at the eleventh hour. Oh, and I added some handclaps! No ukulele, sorry. But hey, if I manage to move on to round two (i.e., if you all vote for me), I might use it, eventually.

Download the song: mp3 ogg (more music)

Aliens in Nevada, magic crystal balls
Superstitious cargo cults, creepy voodoo dolls
Friday, the 13th, absolution of sins
Some believe that science holds an answer to everything

Some believe in fate and some in love
And some believe in God above
Some believe in cover-up conspiracies
And I believe that the moon is made of cheese
There’s no doubt, no doubt, no doubt about it
There’s no doubt, no doubt, no doubt at all

Flying Spaghetti Monsters, a talisman as guide
Santa Claus and horoscopes, love at first sight
Nessie in the water, Catholicism Wow!
Some believe that mankind will survive this all somehow

Some believe in blue and some in red
And there are some who believe that Paul is dead
Some believe they know who killed the Kennedys
And I, I believe that the moon is made of cheese
There’s no doubt, no doubt, no doubt about it
There’s no doubt, no doubt, no doubt at all
There’s no doubt, no doubt, no doubt about it
There’s no doubt, no doubt, no doubt at all
No doubt, no doubt, no doubt about it
There’s no doubt, no doubt: the moon is made of cheese

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

These days I’m wrapping up my work for the Master of Quantitative Analysis in the Social Sciences degree. I’ve begun applying for jobs (as data analyst) in order to manage a swift transition from university to work.

Apart from writing exams, I’ve been travelling quite a bit in the past few months (and now I struggle to catch up with archiving pictures and reports). Now I’m back in Germany and have all my instruments at hand. So stay tuned for some new music (hint).

In meiner Kindheit schaute ich begeistert Wetten daß… und auch allerlei andere Fernsehshows. Seit geraumer Zeit (sprich vielen Jahren) habe ich keinen Fernseher mehr, was mich angesichts der nachlassenden Qualität des Programmangebots nicht in eine Sinnkrise stürzt. Es gibt allerdings noch eine Sendung, die sich wohltuend vom Rest abhebt, indem sie witzig, aber kaum platt, kompakt, aber nicht hektisch, abwechslungsreich, aber nicht chaotisch ist: Sag die Wahrheit (montags, 22 Uhr, SWR). Das Konzept ist nicht bahnbrechend, aber die Be- und die Umsetzung sind äußerst gelungen. Zudem ist die Sendung bestens geeignet, um sie zusammen mit anderen Leuten (z.B. solchen, die einen Fernseher haben) anzuschauen, mit denen man dann selbst diskutieren kann.

This is me trying to translate the genius of Jonathan Coulton into my small German world – and failing. The facts: Code Monkey is the original song/title. The instruments on my version are drums, acoustic guitars, glockenspiel, keyboards (bass and organ), and ukulele. The recordings took place on 2nd July 2008. I made this demo after a six month hiatus of recording/playing and I’m afraid it shows. Therefore, this should not be regarded as the definitive version, but rather as a rough outline, a vague idea, a nice song if I could actually sing, etc.

Download the song: mp3 ogg (more music)

Rechenaffe steht auf, trinkt Kaffee; Rechenaffe im Büro.
Rechenaffe hat blödes Meeting mit blödem Teamchef Joe.
Joe sagt: Rechenaffe ist fleißig mit hohem IQ,
Doch seine Syntax nicht so elegant – was sagt Rechenaffe dazu?
Rechenaffe denkt: Teamchef soll doch selber die verdammten Daten analysieren.
Rechenaffe schweigt recht bedrückt.
Rechenaffe nur stolz, nicht verrückt.
Rechenaffe mag Pizza.
Rechenaffe mag Leitungswasser pur.
Rechenaffe ein sehr einfacher Mann mit großem heimlichem Herz.
Rechenaffe wie du. Rechenaffe wie du.

Rechenaffe hängt beim Empfang rum, sagt dir, Bluse ist schick.
Rechenaffe kauft dir Limonade, bringt dir Eiswürfel mit.
Du sagst: Nein, danke für das Angebot. Limonade macht dick.
Übrigens du bist gerade am Telefon: keine Zeit für mich.
Rechenaffe hat langen Weg zum Schreibtisch zurück, nimmt Platz und surft im Netz.
Rechenaffe sucht nach seinem Mut.
Rechenaffe fühlt sich nicht so gut.
Rechenaffe mag Pizza.
Rechenaffe mag Leitungswasser pur.
Rechenaffe ein sehr einfacher Mann mit großem heimlichem Herz.
Rechenaffe wie du.

Rechenaffe hat viele Gründe von hier abzuhauen.
Rechenaffe geht nur zur Arbeit, um dein Gesicht zu schauen.
Viel lieber aufwachen und baden gehen, dann drei Kugeln Eis.
Der Job “befriedigend und kreativ” – was für ein Scheiß!
Rechenaffe denkt, eines Tages hat er alles, selbst hübsche Frau wie dich.
Rechenaffe weiß, bald fängt er an.
Rechenaffe sagt: Irgendwie und –wann.
Rechenaffe mag Pizza.
Rechenaffe mag Leitungswasser pur.
Rechenaffe ein sehr einfacher Mann mit großem heimlichem Herz.
Rechenaffe wie du. Rechenaffe wie du.

(words and music by Jonathan Coulton; German lyrics by Johannes Schult)

Brian V wrote:

You know, I thought that I could listen to this song at work.

I thought I had the self control to enjoy any Jonathan Coulton song in the style of Paul and Storm with dignity, poise and silence.

I was horribly mistaken.

He is, of course, referring to Jonathan Coulton’s entry for Song Fu Round 2; and his words capture the essence of it all perfectly. So no need for me to explain to you the greatness and grace of this incredible piece of (f)art.

Last Saturday I saw Jonathan Coulton live at the Highline Ballroom. The concert was awesome! There were a lot of unknowns for me before the show, but pretty much all my expectations were easily surpassed. The setlist speaks for itself, I guess. The first three songs paved the way for many more cool pop songs. I think the audience was as attentive as it was enthusiastic. The folks on stage (JoCo and at times Paul and Storm, Kristen Shirts and her Ukulele Army) apparently had fun and all was good. A more detailed report in German is online at Vampster.com. Thanks to Mitch for taking the picture below!

1. The Future Soon
2. Ikea
3. Shop Vac
4. Flickr
5. Tom Cruise Crazy
6. Soft Rocked by Me
7. Birdhouse in Your Soul
8. Code Monkey
9. My Monkey
10. Creepy Doll
11. I Feel Fantastic
12. Mr. Fancy Pants
13. I Crush Everything
14. Skullcrusher Mountain
15. Still Alive
16. You Ruined Everything
17. Re: Your Brains
18. First of May
19. Sweet Caroline
20. Mandelbrot Set
21. Welcome to the Machine
22. Curl
23. A Talk with George

Wenn man dieser Tage nicht aufpasst, wird man rücksichtslos von Fußball-Nachrichten erschlagen. Erschreckend finde ich dabei immer wieder die unglaubliche Inhaltslosigkeit. Gerade eben erst bin ich auf Tagesschau.de über folgende Aussage gestolpert:

Polen will bei seiner EM-Premiere für eine Überraschung sorgen.

Im Zusammenhang ist damit natürlich der Siegeswille der Mannschaft gemeint. Für sich genommen ist der Satz aber viel unterhaltsamer. Zumindest male ich mir gerade allerlei Ãœberraschungen aus. Natürlich wird es keine Ãœberraschungen geben, nur ganz viel Blabla danach – und hier oder da Jubel. Oder nur Blabla, wenn es 0:0 ausgeht. Zum Glück bin ich die meiste Zeit über im nicht-EM-Ausland und bekomme das alles – einschließlich der drögen Berichterstattung – nur am Rande mit.

Ich lese lieber die Meldungen über die sich abzeichnenden Konsequenzen der Ölabhängigkeit der Industrienationen, deren Regierungen und Bevölkerungen immer noch nicht einen Weg weg vom Öl eingeschlagen haben. Solche Nachrichten machen mich zwar nicht fröhlich, geben mir aber zumindest das befriedigende Gefühl, Recht zu behalten.

If someone paid me for doing the research, I’d like to investigate factors that distinguish movies I like watching once and movies I like watching on a daily base. Sure, I’m exaggerating. Most interesting movies (the former kind) are still entertaining the second time around; also, most of my favourite movies lose a bit of their fascination after three weeks of non-stop watching. Still, they usually regain it after a short break and soon their lines make it into my vocabulary.

The latest addition to the latter group of movies is D.E.B.S. The movie has its flaws, no doubt about it. Some scenes are way too long, whereas others pass by much to quickly. I’d also have liked to see a grander introduction of the D.E.B.S. folks, for example a successful mission that shows their chemistry and strength. I could go on and on, but the truth is: I love this film! Of course, this has nothing to do with Jordana Brewster’s stunning beauty or Sara Foster’s skirt. I mean, there’s more to the movie than the visual aspect. The setting is hilarious and the story fresh. The look is cool and the music video moment before the finale is just soooo great. Mind you, I’ve never been a fan of Erasure. Thank you Angela Robinson. Two thumbs up!

The focus of this post is on Christianity and the situation in Europe. It can possibly be extended, but I’m no expert, anyway. The central point I’d like to express is that I’m wondering, why the Christians don’t build big, fancy churches like they used to. Given today’s possibilities in structural engineering and architecture combined with the knowledge about history it should be a piece of cake to build a second Kölner Dom. There are so many things that would make the endeavor so much more feasible than hundreds of years ago.

Sure, it’s not going to be cheap; nor easy. But on the other hand: if a grand, old church is a sign of admiration of God, then there is not much of this admiration left in today’s bishops. Also, maintaining the old buildings is a challenge that would become even more difficult if new old-fashioned churches were built right now. I assume, those buildings are nightmares in terms of energy-efficiency, but I don’t know for sure. Still, from a theological point of view, this shouldn’t matter. What are scientific findings compared to the power of God, anyway? He would take care of the climate if we just started building majestic churches again.

The bottom line is the surprise that the Christian church seems to be more progressive than might be expected from its cruel, dark scriptures. But I still have the feeling that Christianity without new “old school” church buildings is only a shadow of its former grandeur.

This song was originally written for my “Beck Strikes the Empire” demo tape back in 2000. From Thy Ashes had released “Harbinger” earlier that year. My friend Neil created the layout of that cd. For the initial draft versions he made up a bunch of bogus song titles. “Hugging Frogs” was one of them. I loved it immediately. Both, the lyrics and the music were created in almost no time. I forced everything into a 5/4 measure to make up for the lack of originality. I decided to re-record the entire song last year in a more focused fashion. So on the 26th September 2007 I locked myself in the rehearsal room commenced recording the drums (using a different microphone than usual, hence the different sound). Everything went smoothly until I realized that I had skipped an entire verse. By then a whole lot of guitars (including electric ones) had been recorded, so I decided to shorten the lyrics instead. Eventually, I added some keyboards and a bunch of layered vocals. I’m aware that one of my fans prefers the original version, but I think that the new recording fits the “Heteroscedasticity” record better. (Edit September 2008: I’m no longer sure if I’m going to include it on the album.)

Download the song: mp3 ogg (more music)

Hugging frogs don’t care
Hugging frogs are there
Hugging frogs won’t stare at your face, but they
Want to change the weather
Want to wear black leather
Want a velvet feather
Want to live forever

Hugging frogs don’t fly
Hugging frogs don’t cry
Hugging frogs will die under your tire, but they
Want to change the weather
Want to wear black leather
Want a velvet feather
Want to live forever

Hugging frogs play fair
Hugging frogs breath air
Hugging frogs won’t stare at your face, but they
Want to change the weather
Want to wear black leather
Want a velvet feather
Want to live forever
Want to change the weather
Want to wear black leather
Want a velvet feather
Want to live forever

(words and music by Johannes Schult)