Being Edric Haleen

The challenge of the second round of SpinTunes #10 was to write a horror song. This reminded of the hate song challenge in a previous edition of SpinTunes. I could have easily written about a madman and his victim. I just don’t see how this makes the world a better, or at least a more interesting place. Also, I listened to Devil Doll‘s “Dies Irae” album for inspiration, which is horror music in perfection. No way I could rival such a masterpiece. So instead, I went looking for something different. And soon enough I found fellow SpinTunes musician Edric Haleen. Edric has a place in my music folder (as well as in my heart) ever since his excellent take on “It All Makes Sense at the End“. My hope was that I could a certain amount of horror while also being entertaining.

I began writing the lyrics the day the challenge was announced. Two days later most of the lyrics were in place. I had some preliminary melodies in my head, as well. The original plan, however, was to play expressive chords on the keyboard and adapt the lyrics to fit the piano extravaganza. The only problem was that I didn’t have a keyboard. Mine had broken a couple of months earlier and I hadn’t gotten a replacement. So I frantically ordered a new one at my formerly local dealer, hoping it’d arrive in time. It didn’t. Thursday evening I turned to Plan B, which involved composing the verse and bridge (and intro) on guitar. Friday found me returning to the initial refrain melody in my head and piecing together some chords to fit it. By chance, I got up rather early on Saturday and started programming the whole thing. Looking back, I’m not sure I could have produced the song faster with a keyboard. I guess the fills would have been more dynamic and weirder. The tempo changes throughout the song, so I kept building it from intro to outro, part by part, note by note. There are a few things I would change in hindsight, like the transition to the second chorus, the unnecessary repetition of the “seen” rhyme in the third chorus, the bars after “heavy metal connection” (with ascending three-note fills instead), and the jolly intermission after the third chorus (which I only included because I thought I should add something I played ad lib on my MacBook’s keyboard).

Recording the vocals was fun (but not for my throat). I cited some of Edric’s songs and alluded to his rather long entry in the previous round. I also included a couple of bars of the German national hymn (switched to a minor key) after the word “Germany”. I’m aware that the mathematical stuff in my lyrics is statistical stuff. The trouble with song writing contests is that there’s never enough time to research anything properly. I was tempted to interview Edric beforehand – or even invite him to play on the song. In the end, I wanted to keep the surprise. Also, he was probably busy with his entry (or his dog). And did I mention that there’s never enough time?

Being Edric Haleen

There was a little door behind my office desk
I was just curious when I looked inside
What happened next felt rather Kafkaesque
A metaphysical roller coaster ride to the other side

I woke up in a body that wasn’t mine
In a bedroom in a house that wasn’t mine
At least I had retained some of my volition
So I looked for a mirror to examine my condition
It was weirder than anything I had ever seen
I was trapped inside the body of Edric Haleen

Aaaah!

I was no longer bald and I had a beard
Maybe this wasn’t as bad as I had feared
I looked down at my/his trembling hands
But I did not dare to peek into those pants
At least I hadn’t turned into Charlie Sheen
But it felt scary being trapped inside Edric Haleen

A woman I’d never seen came in and tried to kiss me
She said that I should hurry or else the kids would miss me
Did this mean that we had kids? Or that I was a teacher?
I really didn’t know the standard operating procedure
I ran out onto a street I’d never seen
And still I was trapped inside Edric Haleen

I just want to go back home to Germany
But now that I’m Edric – what if he’s me?
Will he go out and trade my heavy metal collection
For Billy Joel, Elton John, Barry White, Elvis Costello and the Attraction?
What have I done? What does it mean?
I’m trapped inside the body of Edric Haleen

I want to be Jutze again – I’ve had enough
But now I feel the urge to sing about mathematical stuff (…99999999999…)
The variance of a binary variable is p times (1 – p)
Why the heck does this dog keep barking at me?
This song must be at least 6 minutes 15
Oh the horror of being trapped inside Edric Haleen
It all makes sense at the end – but I’m stuck in between
Will I ever find a way out of Edric Haleen?
Just let me out!

(words and music by Johannes Schult 2015 Creative Commons by-nc 4.0)