Johannes Schult

We made a couple of videos to go along with our new album. Check out “Johnny’s Guitar“, “Relentlessly” and “Lost in Broken Memories“!

This is based on a true story. There is also a video of me recording the song.

#51 Almut und Thomas

Almut und Thomas sitzen am Tresen
Almut trinkt Becks und Thomas trinkt Bier

Die Show auf der Bühne war lustig gewesen
Auf einer Likert-Skala von 1 bis 5 da war es eine 4
Die Tanzfläche kehren sie jetzt mit einem Besen
Wie dem auch sei, es gefällt ihnen hier
Almut und Thomas sitzen am Tresen
Almut trinkt Becks und Thomas trinkt Bier

(words and music by Johannes Schult 2015 Creative Commons by-nc 4.0)

This is a quick folk instrumental tune. The title came about when I set the music to the video.

#17 Gnomes Running Through the Forest

(music by Johannes Schult 2015 Creative Commons by-nc 4.0)

The funniest* online thing of the last 12 months has certainly been The Onion‘s Film Standard featuring Peter K. Rosenthal. Here are four brilliant movie reviews to get you started:

1. The Onion Reviews ‘The Hunger Games: Catching Fire’
2. The Onion Reviews ‘The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug‘
3. The Onion Reviews ‘Dawn of the Planet of the Apes’
4. The Onion Reviews ‘Gravity’

* Funny as in I fell from my chair due to laughter-induced stomach cramps.

Miracously, I made to the final round of SpinTunes #8. The challenge was:

Painful Progression – Write a song about PHYSICAL pain, and do so using a I-V-vi-IV chord progression in the chorus.

My naive assumption is that I can deal with the musical restriction more easily than the other contestants this round, who are a bit jazzier in my ear. Anyway, for this round I couldn’t just throw out a quick song like I did last round. I’m not a good singer, so a “normal” pop song wasn’t my aim. My first idea was to write some kind of Irish folk song, instead. Even before I picked up my guitar I decided to write about the pain of a menstruating dragon. I had this idea for the first time back in 2006, when I took the Hammerfall song title “The Dragon Lies Bleeding” literally. It took me a couple of hours to come up with a jolly chorus. The rest of the song manifested itself more quickly. I had a percussive click track resembling a bhodran, which I kept in the final version. I went a bit crazy with all kinds of keyboard sounds (including some banjo!) but most of them are buried in the mix. Needless to say, I would have loved to have real instruments. Anyway, there was a deadline to meet and I am quite satisfied with the outcome.

What made me very happy was the following review by Dave Leigh:

This sounds like the sort of thing that Hobbits would sing at the pub. Really demented, sick hobbits. Hobbits who need therapy. Who in his right mind writes a song about a menstruating dragon? Nobody, and that should tell us a thing about Jutze. However, this is the form of insanity that’s just really, really entertaining.

Check out all entries! I also filmed a quick sofa video that ended up with an over-enthusiastic preview thumbnail.

Deep under the mountain in the dark and the cold
Sheltered from the wind and the rain
Sitting on a pile of silver and of gold
The mighty dragon is in pain
Maybe it is time to leave this cave behind
Time to get some fresh air

And it’s raining blood on the town by the lake
Everybody screams, the children are crying
Nobody knows how long it’s going to take
It looks as if the dragon is dying

Only the elders have seen this once before
Almost a century ago
They shut all the windows and they lock every door
Hiding in the cellars below
Maybe there’s a chance to escape the burning flames
Maybe they will survive

And it’s raining blood on the town by the lake
Everybody screams, the children are crying
Nobody knows how long it’s going to take
It looks as if the dragon is dying

High above the lake the dragon’s breathing fire
Feeling that the cycle is complete – once again
There’s no way around it, no use in climbing higher
The time has come to bleed
Maybe it is time she should start to procreate
It sucks to menstruate

And it’s raining blood on the town by the lake
In agony and pain the dragon is flying
Nobody knows how much more it’s going to take
The dragon in the sky feels like dying

And it’s raining blood on the town by the lake
Everybody screams, the children are crying
Nobody knows how long it’s going to take
It looks as if the dragon is dying

2014 Creative Commons by-nc Johannes “Jutze” Schult

“Unquestionably the funniest song you will ever hear about THE FAULT IN OUR STARS.” –John Green

This ain’t a book about a ballet dancer
No, it’s a book about a book about cancer
But there is something that is more important
This book mentions Natalie Portman
In 3 out of 25 chapters – I think she’s pretty scarce
That’s the fault in “The Fault in Our Stars”
Yeah that’s the fault in “The Fault in Our Stars”

If you do the math then you will see
22 chapters without Natalie
The ones that mention her are way too short, man!
John Green should have added way more Portman
It wouldn’t have been as difficult as landing a rover on Mars
That’s the fault in “The Fault in Our Stars”
Yeah that’s the fault in “The Fault in Our Stars”

At least the book doesn’t end in the middle of

Continue reading ‘The Fault in The Fault in Our Stars’ »

Disclaimer: I didn’t film all my food. For example, I had a mushroom cheesesteak in Bethlehem that tasted quite good. I also had an undocumented slice of pizza during the first weekend. Anyway, here’s a video recap of my recent trip to the United States.

Gestern Abend fand im Kulturladen Konstanz einmal mehr die Kulturnacht des KUK statt. Los ging es mit einer beeindruckend flüssigen Tanznummer. Im weiteren Verlauf gab es allerlei coole Auftritte, von Leuchtschwebestabfaszination über tendenziell skurille Texte von Matze B. bis hin zu einem mehr als kurzweiligen Kurzfilm. Es gab auch allerlei Musik, u.a. etwas Herr-der-Ringe-Filmmusik und zum Schluss das unterhaltsame Akustik-Trio Redensart mit flotten Songs.

Zwischendurch war auch ich für ein paar Lieder auf der Bühne.  Hier ist “Konrad”:

Meine Setlist sah so aus:

1. Einkaufszettel
2. Konrad
3. Reis
4. I Wish Natalie Portman Was My Neighbour

Check out our new Manticess video – it’s a cover version of Joe Lamb’s song “Mr. Tom Furby-The Furby Catcher“.

PS: I’ll be playing at the Kulturnacht at the Kulturladen in Konstanz on Friday 13th, 2012.

A few minutes ago, I put my final 52-second song for 2011 online. By now, I have made 104 52-second songs – 52 in 2010 and now 52 in 2011. Thanks to everyone who listened to my 52-second songs and said encouraging things and shared my little tunes with their friends and had fun along the way. I certainly enjoyed the ride! I’ll update my music page in the near future. Meanwhile, check out the last two songs – each in an extended video version:

“I Won’t Be Your Mary Magdalen” is a homage to Dar Williams and Richard Shindell, whose music I love love love! The lyrics became kind of meta – and I think they provide a nice closure for my 52-second song project. I’m looking forward to write longer songs in 2012, for a change. Actually, I might elaborate on this song fragment with my band Manticess.

“Spoo for Christmas” was inspired the science fiction TV series Babylon 5. In the series, a lot of folks enjoy eating spoo, which “is a meat based food product“. Happy Holidays!