Johannes Schult

This is another example of why I like the 52-second format: If this lonely hearts ad was any longer, people would actually start taking it seriously. I was somewhat uncertain about the exact wording, the organ in the background and the main chord sequence (D G E A was in there at one point). But I think, the song works in its present form (p < 0.05). The concept of the song was inspired by an old statistics lecture that featured remarks about Love@Lycos, matching algorithms and bootstrapping.

#7 Lonely Hearts Ad (Bootstrapping)

I’m looking for a woman who is capable of bootstrapping, yeah
I don’t care if she’s tall or thin or if her hair is red

It’s good for a romantic relationship to be based on common interests, yeah
Even though I’m the first to admit that bootstrapping’s uncommon

This statistical procedure
Is an important feature
Of our future late-night conversations

I’m looking for a woman who is capable of bootstrapping, yeah
If we can figure out bootstrapping we can figure out everything else

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

I just recorded a video of me playing the song at home:

This one was inspired by Self-discipline gives girls the edge: Gender in self-discipline, grades, and achievement test scores (Duckworth & Seligman, 2006). I had the title in mind while I was writing the chorus. Once I had the whole song, I figured I could just write some lyrics about the actual article. A 52-second song certainly cannot do a whole scientific paper justice. But maybe it’s entertaining; and maybe it spreads a tiny bit of knowledge from academia into rock music.

#5 Gives Girls the Edge

Gotta do, gotta do her homework
Gotta do, gotta do her job
Gotta pay, gotta pay attention
Gotta pay, gotta pay her bills
It seems there is one thing, one thing that
Gives girls the edge
Gives girls the edge
Gives girls the edge
Gives girls the edge
Self-discipline gives girls the edge

It seems that boys don’t have the one thing that
Gives girls the edge
Gives girls the edge
Gives girls the edge
Gives girls the edge
Self-discipline gives girls the edge

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This one was inspired by Paul and Storm as well as Tim Minchin. It took me some time to shorten it to the appropriate length. Who needs middle parts, anyway? I can imagine this one a little bit slower with a Beatles-vibe, especially if I were to add drums. My current recording is raw, just the keyboard and the vocals, all in one take, using one microphone. Thus, also no stereo mix this time. I had wanted to write a chorus that is more subtle, more like “Let’s pretend it’s there, even though we know better” or something like that. But it’s Sunday already and my initial song idea still has no lyrics. The video below shows me recording the track. Nothing spectacular, just the 37th take, give or take a few.

#4 Your Love Is Like a Serving of Fries That’s Too Large

Your love is like a serving of fries that’s too large
Your love is like King Henry’s seventh wife
Your love is like a useful guidance counsellor
Your love is like the afterlife
It doesn’t exist
It doesn’t exist
I looked everywhere
Around the world
It’s just not there
Life ain’t fair

Your love is like good plot ideas in Episode I
Your love is like weapons of mass destruction in Iraq
Your love is like the holy father and his son
Your love is like the rhyming end of this line, yeah
It doesn’t exist
It doesn’t exist
I looked everywhere
Even under your chair
It’s just not there
Life ain’t fair

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This little song was originally written for Manticess as a contender for the recent Song Fu challenge ‘write a song with a number as a song title’. We ditched the song, however, and went on to produce “1998”. One of my aims with the 52 project is to improve (or at least to maintain) my playing skills. I figured that most of my faster songs sound better when I force myself to play them faster than I’d imagined them in the first place. The original demo of this particular song here was 20 seconds too long. Maybe it feels a bit hurried now, but hey, another aim is to not bore the listener with seemingly infinite tracks!

Someone who heard the song instantly remarked that the lyrics are clearly about absinthe. Now I have never tasted that green drink and didn’t think of it while writing the song. But hey, now it’s a song about absinthe. And yes, I promise that there will be more impressive lyrics and more elaborate song structures in this series. But you’ve got to allow for a little la-na-na song every now and then.

#2 Seven Green Fairies

Seven green fairies call me on the phone
Seven green fairies won’t leave me alone
Seven green fairies call me every day
Seven green fairies won’t go away
Singing la na na na ooho
Me and my seven green fairies

Seven green fairies are with me in my sleep
Seven green fairies seven days a week
Seven green fairies are with me when I drink
Making me say stupid things
Singing la na na na ooho
Me and my seven green fairies

Seven green fairies are messing with my hair
Seven green fairies pretend they’re not there
Seven green fairies with seven different names
Yet to me they’re all the same
Singing la na na na ooho
Me and my seven green fairies

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This song was born during a break at a parking place by the highway on 18th March 2005. The first verse is pretty close to what happened; the rest is fiction. You don’t walk up to strangers, let alone dance up to them, right? The song became part of a 9-minute rock opera I wrote eleven days later. I considered “Now or Never” for my solo album “Heteroscedasticity”, but the context (i.e., the ending of the story) is somewhat missing. Well, here it is, anyway, because I like it and I relate it to two things:

1. number plates. I remembered the car’s number plate (whose letters were an anagram of the German word for heart, ‘Herz’) and dedicated the opera to its driver. I really wish there was a social network based on number plates. There’s sites where you can rate your teachers (at least in Germany), why not have the same thing with cars? Of course, the potential for abuse is enormous, virtual road rage inevitable. But sometimes I find myself attracted by cute drivers, by friendly people and also by good music coming from the car stereo. Such a rating portal would finally settle the misconception that every considers themselves above average drivers.
2. moving. The only other thing I remember from back then is that she was apparently moving, or at least transporting quite a lot of cargo. Incidently, I recorded “Now or Never” while I was moving myself. Drums were recorded in Waiblingen-Beinstein on 30th March 2005. Guitars, keyboards, melodica and vocals were recorded in Konstanz-Wallhausen on 10th April 2005. Now I’ll be moving once again next week.

Play: | Download “Now or Never”: mp3 ogg (more music)

She stood next to her car
She wasn’t all that far
All that far away from me
She had her radio on
Playin’ a Nightwish-song
And in a flash of audacity
I walked into her direction
And started to dance along
Even though I cannot dance at all

She waved and said “Hello.”
I asked her “Where do you go?”
She said “I follow you after.”
I told her “You look fine,
But I won’t steal your time,
Just wanna hear your laughter.”
She smiled at me and said
“Would you like some tea?
I’m sorry but that’s all I have left.”

Then she gave me her cup
And a friendly hug
I felt like now or never
So I took her hand
“I wanna see you again,
The sooner the better.”
She looked me in the eye
And said “Let’s meet tonight.”
“Just name the time and place and I’ll be there.”

(words and music by Johannes Schult)