Johannes Schult

14 wonderful songs about life, love, Michael Owen, God, and statistics

NEW ALBUM OUT NOW! Featuring
Graveyard Girl (the ultimate anthem of tombstone tourism),
Judy Mary Jane (makes you inevitably shout out yeehaw!),
I Wish Natalie Portman Was My Neighbour (don’t we all?), and the
Toilet Song (recorded in the bathroom)!

You can download the album for free right here!

FIRST HALF

1. Judy Mary Jane (2:36) mp3
2. I Wish Natalie Portman Was My Neighbour (2:09) mp3
3. You and Me and Your Boy-Friend (2:18) mp3
4. Graveyard Girl (2:29) mp3
5. Toilet Song (1:36) mp3
6. In Love With Michael Owen (2:34) mp3
7. Proof of God (2:37) mp3

SECOND HALF

1. What’s the Baby Using? (0:25) mp3
2. ANOVA (mit gerichteten Kontrasten) (2:17) mp3
3. Heteroskedastizität (2:14) mp3
4. If I Could Paint My Feelings (2:20) mp3
5. Among Thieves (1:25) mp3
6. Spirit She (4:08) mp3
7. Wish You Felt the Same (1:46) mp3

LYRICS & ARTWORK

• Lyrics pdf
• Inlay pdf
• Tray pdf
• Label pdf

DOWNLOAD FULL ALBUM
(incl. lyrics & artwork)

• mp3-files zip
• ogg-files zip
• flac-files zip

Produced, written and played by Johannes Schult.

So this is my album. I hope you like it. There a bunch of older, somewhat popular songs, some with electric guitars (7.-9.), two German ones, and a few with a more gloomy atmosphere towards the end. my personal favourite (song, not actress) is “Among Thieves”, an unusual song in several aspects (length, lyrics, brushes). If you consider burning the album on CD, I recommend downloading/using the flac-version, because it’s a lossless format (info) and offers additional entertainment.

All songs are licensed Creative Commons by-nc, meaning you are free to copy it, perform it, and make derivative works, as long as you are not making a profit from your work, and that you properly attribute the original artist (in this case Jutze, Johannes Schult, or www.jutze.com). So feel free to share them with your friends and family, play them in your podcast, and use them for your own personal creative endeavours!

These might just be the best lyrics I’ve written so far. (Feel free to disagree!) I wrote them on September 9th, 2006. The music followed the next day. I tried to keep it simple in order to not distract from the metaphor madness. C, it turned out, was not enough, so I added G. I still don’t know how I ended up with all the chords in the middle-eight when I recorded the song on September 11th, 2006.

I was tempted to re-do the programmed drum track for the album, but went for authenticity in the end. (The truth is, I couldn’t find the disc with the source tracks.) The outro features plenty of silly instruments like the melodica, a ukulele, glockenspiel, and plenty of keyboard sounds. Some sick flutes were there, too, but didn’t make the final mix.

Download the song: mp3 ogg (more music)

If I could paint my feelings I’d talk about brushes all the time
If I could spell my joy I’d use but vowels
If I could wear my passion a hat would suit me fine
If I could weave my heart I’d just make towels

If I could eat my sorrow I’d chew lemons all the time
If I could name my fear I’d call it Fullers
If I could drink my longing I’d serve myself the sweetest wine
If I could print my pain I’d need no colours

If I could paint my feelings
If I could ride my soul
If I could wear my longing I’d be all right

If I could draw my wisdom I’d sketch circles all the time
If I could strum my hope I’d play an F-chord
If I could dye my spirit then blue’d be on my mind
If I could fly my love you’d be the airport

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

Prophylaktisch habe ich mir ein Twitter-Profil eingerichtet. In welcher Form ich es nutzen werde, kann ich im Moment noch nicht sagen. Heute erscheinen übrigens die neuen Alben von Neal Morse (christlicher Progressive Rock) und Van Canto (A-Cappella-Metal), beide sehr hörenswert.

It’s difficult to find the right words to describe my attitude towards do-it-yourself musicians who embraced the internet and get some exposure they couldn’t possibly have gotten way back when. Sure, the mainstream is still there with over-priced albums and mass media advertising. Just go to your local mall and look at it yourself. No need to write about it. But what’s with the sullen one-man-bands out here? Not all of them are good. Few achieve professional recording quality. None produces an epic masterpiece like Mike Oldfield’s “Music of the Spheres”.

Still, there’s plenty of great artists out there who have realized that locking up the music won’t help their mission. My latest discovery is Scott Andrew. He’s making acoustic pop that, at times, reminds me of R.E.M., yet sounds merrier. Stumbling across his homepage, I found an inviting virtual place. I immediately felt encouraged to check out his music and liked what I heard. The songs didn’t leave me speechless, but the light atmosphere and the charismatic voice sounded good.

I could have left it at that. If a musician offers his songs for free on his homepage he must be stupid and doesn’t deserve any (financial) support, right? Wrong. Scott sells his latest cd “Save You From Yourself” for 8 US$ (if you signed up on his mailing list/demo club). So I just bought it. It felt right. The album arrived today. It looks good, sounds great, and beats 98% of the current German charts.

For the first time some of my music has been featured in a podcast, namely the latest show of Jawbone Radio. (Around 2:30 and at the very end.) Thanks to Len and Nora!

My approach to making music is somewhat reckless these days. I attempt to write one hour songs, i.e., tunes I write and record within 60 minutes. So far I’ve done six songs; the fifth one is actually featured in the previous update. Right now I’m just accumulating these one hour songs. Maybe I’ll release more of them in the future, maybe not.

The format forces me to write rather short songs, of course. Needless to say, I needed between two and three hours for the first bunch of songs, because I was too ambitious, i.e., got stuck with the lyrics or recorded, like, 30 different drum tracks. But I already find myself enjoying it, since I’m no longer obsessing over every little detail. My solo music isn’t that sophisticated, after all.

This is another song about the moon. I decided to not submit it for the Song Fu #2 competition (see previous post), because at the end of the day it is merely a weak imitation of Jonathan Coulton. I really like the intro melody (originally from a tune called “Last Night I Was the Happiest Man on Earth”) and the story starts out in a nice way. But I was stuck for a couple of days and abandoned this song, eventually. I recorded it, anyway, together with the other song, “The Moon Is Made of Cheese”. First came the rhythm track and a whole bunch of keyboards. On the next day, I recorded some acoustic guitars and the vocals. I lacked the middle-eight lyrics, so I had to make them up on the spot. And I still don’t know how to spell the protagonist’s name properly.

Download the song: mp3 ogg (more music)

His name was Nicolaew
His friends just called him Nick
His boss said, boy, you’re gonna get far

And he put him into a space ship
And when the countdown began
Everybody had tears in their eyes

His mission was important
His body bent like a spoon
His destination was the moon

And the earth outside his window looks to small
And the stars, they shine like silver in the night
And he knows his journey will be over soon
Then Nicolaew’s gonna be the first monkey on the moon

His vessel hit the surface
His engine died for good
His crew on earth did what they could

And the earth outside his window looks to small
And the stars, they shine like silver in the night
And he knows his mission will be over soon
And late at night he’s dreaming of the first monkey on the moon

And on the seventh day he ran out of food
And a little later it got colder in his room
Nicolaew looked around
But there were no bananas
No bananas on the moon

And as he ran out of water
He heard a knock on the door
The rescue mission from the planet of apes had come to take him back home

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This is my entry for the first round of the Song Fu #2 competition over at QuickstopEntertainment.com. It’s 100% werewolf-free, which is kind of remarkable, because the task was to write a song about the moon. Please visit the link above and check out the competition; vote for whoever you think deserves it most – hopefully for me. Note that there are Song Fu Challengers (including me) and Song Fu Masters; you may vote once in each group.

My friend Robert made a post in the NP.de-forum back in 2002, stating that the moon was made of cheese. I had always wanted to turn this idea into a song, so now was the perfect opportunity. I toyed around with some other ideas (some involving werewolves) and I even made a song called The First Monkey on the Moon; but the narrative of that song lacked an adequate flow; plus, the story was (apparently) a lame imitation of (Song Fu Master) Jonathan Coulton. I’ll post that one in the near future, anyway. But back to my actual entry: I recorded it last Tuesday and Wednesday. First came the rhythm track and a whole bunch of keyboard sounds. Next, I recorded some rather heavy electric guitars. That was possibly a mistake, but the deadline was on Wednesday. So I just added some acoustic guitar and, of course, the vocals, before I mixed and posted the song. I’m aware that the vocals are very loud. I made that decision, because the lyrics are an integral part of the challenge. They’re posted below; the Dogma reference was in there early on (as I’m a big fan of former QuickstopClerk Kevin Smith), whereas the Coulton reference came at the eleventh hour. Oh, and I added some handclaps! No ukulele, sorry. But hey, if I manage to move on to round two (i.e., if you all vote for me), I might use it, eventually.

Download the song: mp3 ogg (more music)

Aliens in Nevada, magic crystal balls
Superstitious cargo cults, creepy voodoo dolls
Friday, the 13th, absolution of sins
Some believe that science holds an answer to everything

Some believe in fate and some in love
And some believe in God above
Some believe in cover-up conspiracies
And I believe that the moon is made of cheese
There’s no doubt, no doubt, no doubt about it
There’s no doubt, no doubt, no doubt at all

Flying Spaghetti Monsters, a talisman as guide
Santa Claus and horoscopes, love at first sight
Nessie in the water, Catholicism Wow!
Some believe that mankind will survive this all somehow

Some believe in blue and some in red
And there are some who believe that Paul is dead
Some believe they know who killed the Kennedys
And I, I believe that the moon is made of cheese
There’s no doubt, no doubt, no doubt about it
There’s no doubt, no doubt, no doubt at all
There’s no doubt, no doubt, no doubt about it
There’s no doubt, no doubt, no doubt at all
No doubt, no doubt, no doubt about it
There’s no doubt, no doubt: the moon is made of cheese

(words and music by Johannes Schult)

This is me trying to translate the genius of Jonathan Coulton into my small German world – and failing. The facts: Code Monkey is the original song/title. The instruments on my version are drums, acoustic guitars, glockenspiel, keyboards (bass and organ), and ukulele. The recordings took place on 2nd July 2008. I made this demo after a six month hiatus of recording/playing and I’m afraid it shows. Therefore, this should not be regarded as the definitive version, but rather as a rough outline, a vague idea, a nice song if I could actually sing, etc.

Download the song: mp3 ogg (more music)

Rechenaffe steht auf, trinkt Kaffee; Rechenaffe im Büro.
Rechenaffe hat blödes Meeting mit blödem Teamchef Joe.
Joe sagt: Rechenaffe ist fleißig mit hohem IQ,
Doch seine Syntax nicht so elegant – was sagt Rechenaffe dazu?
Rechenaffe denkt: Teamchef soll doch selber die verdammten Daten analysieren.
Rechenaffe schweigt recht bedrückt.
Rechenaffe nur stolz, nicht verrückt.
Rechenaffe mag Pizza.
Rechenaffe mag Leitungswasser pur.
Rechenaffe ein sehr einfacher Mann mit großem heimlichem Herz.
Rechenaffe wie du. Rechenaffe wie du.

Rechenaffe hängt beim Empfang rum, sagt dir, Bluse ist schick.
Rechenaffe kauft dir Limonade, bringt dir Eiswürfel mit.
Du sagst: Nein, danke für das Angebot. Limonade macht dick.
Übrigens du bist gerade am Telefon: keine Zeit für mich.
Rechenaffe hat langen Weg zum Schreibtisch zurück, nimmt Platz und surft im Netz.
Rechenaffe sucht nach seinem Mut.
Rechenaffe fühlt sich nicht so gut.
Rechenaffe mag Pizza.
Rechenaffe mag Leitungswasser pur.
Rechenaffe ein sehr einfacher Mann mit großem heimlichem Herz.
Rechenaffe wie du.

Rechenaffe hat viele Gründe von hier abzuhauen.
Rechenaffe geht nur zur Arbeit, um dein Gesicht zu schauen.
Viel lieber aufwachen und baden gehen, dann drei Kugeln Eis.
Der Job “befriedigend und kreativ” – was für ein Scheiß!
Rechenaffe denkt, eines Tages hat er alles, selbst hübsche Frau wie dich.
Rechenaffe weiß, bald fängt er an.
Rechenaffe sagt: Irgendwie und –wann.
Rechenaffe mag Pizza.
Rechenaffe mag Leitungswasser pur.
Rechenaffe ein sehr einfacher Mann mit großem heimlichem Herz.
Rechenaffe wie du. Rechenaffe wie du.

(words and music by Jonathan Coulton; German lyrics by Johannes Schult)

Brian V wrote:

You know, I thought that I could listen to this song at work.

I thought I had the self control to enjoy any Jonathan Coulton song in the style of Paul and Storm with dignity, poise and silence.

I was horribly mistaken.

He is, of course, referring to Jonathan Coulton’s entry for Song Fu Round 2; and his words capture the essence of it all perfectly. So no need for me to explain to you the greatness and grace of this incredible piece of (f)art.